Planning for Wedding Costs

Key Points – Planning for Wedding Costs

Perspective on Planning for Wedding Costs from Three Modern Wealth Team Members: Kade Messner, Danielle (Osiwala) Messner, and Ken Osiwala
Some Key Statistics from The Knot 2023 Real Weddings Study
Mitigating Frictional Costs
Communication, Communication, Communication
Parallels Between Wedding Planning and Retirement Planning
14-Minute Read | 15-Minute Watch

Planning for Wedding Costs

Whether you’re getting married or helping pay for your kid’s wedding, it’s critical to build a budget to keep track of wedding costs. Two of our team members, Lead Advisor Kade Messner, CFP®, AIF® and Client Service Specialist Danielle (Osiwala) Messner, tied the knot in 2023. As they reflect on and celebrate one year of marriage, Kade, Danielle, and Danielle’s father, Managing Director Ken Osiwala, AIF®, shared some key considerations when planning for wedding costs that can hopefully be helpful to you and/or your family and friends.

Out of respect for Kade and Danielle’s privacy, we won’t be sharing specifics on their wedding costs. Instead, we’ll review some statistics of The Knot 2023 Real Weddings Study while still sharing some important perspective on wedding costs and planning from Danielle, Kade, and Ken.₁

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Key Variables from The Knot 2023 Real Weddings Study

The Knot surveyed around 10,000 U.S. couples that got married in 2023 for their study. They also talked to couples who were engaged in 2023 and got married/plan to get married in 2024. The average length of engagement of the couples in The Knot’s survey was 15 months. The Messner’s were fairly close to that mark since their engagement was 13 months.

A Wedding Planning Timeline and the Associated Costs

The bottom line is that no wedding is the same as another, especially when it comes to wedding planning and costs. Some couples elect to get married in a courthouse and don’t have a ceremony or reception. Other couples decide to have destination weddings and invite several hundred people. Before we break down some of the day-of costs and considerations, let’s begin with some pre-proposal planning.

Preparing for the Proposal

As a financial advisor, one of Kade’s objectives is to make sure his clients are saving to different accounts that they can strategically spend from at different stages of life. For example, think about the purpose of your 401(k) or similar workplace retirement plan. That money isn’t meant to be spent until you retire. Kade used the same line of thinking as he was saving for the wedding. He set money aside in an account prior to proposing that he knew he wouldn’t spend from until paying for wedding costs.

“We have different buckets of money for different timeframes. Working in financial planning for a few years prior to entering the wedding phase and engagement season of my life was a good way to forecast expenses with how I would invest my money and figuring out how to keep in a liquid-type fund.” – Kade

The Engagement Ring

The purchase of an engagement ring is typically one of the first big wedding-related costs. The average cost of an engagement ring according to The Knot is $5,500, but there are many different variables that may drastically impact the cost.₂ Remember that there are many other wedding costs to come, and you don’t want to begin your marriage by paying off a large amount of debt.

An Engagement Photographer

Along with finding the right ring, Kade put a lot of thought into how he would propose. For about two to three months prior to the engagement, Kade worked with Ken, Beth (Danielle’s mother), and Maddie (Danielle’s sister) on planning key aspects of the proposal.

Kade and Ken spent a weekend up north in Northern Michigan to scout some potential places where Kade could propose, while Beth and Maddie helped Kade with research on an engagement photographer.

“Knowing Danielle’s desire was going to be more than me getting down on one knee, they knew Danielle would want a type of backdrop and pinnacle for me to propose in front of. They were excited to be a part of it and didn’t overstep by any means because I could always shut it down. They sent me options and I was able to implement what my vision was along with respecting theirs, knowing that Danielle was going to love it.” – Kade

The 2023 Knot study found that around 25% of proposers hired a photographer (and potentially other vendors) for the proposal.₃ That’s a 13% increase from The Knot’s 2019 study, so hiring a proposal photographer is a wedding cost that’s becoming much more common.

The Engagement

There can potentially be a lot of stress for both parties leading up to the proposal. For Kade’s situation, would everything go as planned for the proposal—with Danielle ultimately saying yes? And for Danielle, when will Kade propose, and will it be everything she always dreamed of? Thankfully, “yes” was the answer to all those questions, and hopefully it will be for you as well if you’re about to propose or expecting to get proposed to.

Let the Wedding Planning Begin

Before jumping right into wedding planning mode, take some time to celebrate! Maybe you and your fiancé/fiancée want to have a nice dinner together to celebrate. Or maybe you want to have an engagement party with your family and close friends. Yes, both of those typically have costs associated with them (whether you or someone else is paying for it) but consider doing something fun to celebrate your engagement before planning your wedding and determining all the wedding costs.

Communication Is Key

When asking engaged couples what they care about most when planning their wedding, some might say the location, venue, or guest list while others might say the food, vows, or having an open bar. Agreeing on some wedding planning decisions can be easy, but some can be incredibly difficult.

That’s why communication was the most important thing to Kade and Danielle during their engagement season, and not just between themselves. Communication between Danielle and Kade was at the core of their wedding planning and determining wedding costs, but it extended to their parents, other family and friends, vendors, and others.

“With just that aspect alone, it can be, ‘Well, my mom said this and my dad said that.’ And then Kade could be like, ‘Well, my mom said this and my sister said that.’ That would create a gap between Kade and I. Kade and I came to our decisions prior to talking to any outsource. That communication was more important to me rather than any venue or wedding planning because I didn’t want a bad engagement season.” – Danielle

Communication continues to be critical for couples after they tie the knot, especially when it comes to finances. According to a December 2023 Bankrate survey, 42% of adults acknowledge that they’ve kept a financial secret from their partner.₄ Nearly 30% of the people surveyed said that they considered financial infidelity to be worse than cheating. Don’t put your marriage in jeopardy by keeping financial secrets from your partner.

Pre-Marital Counseling

Going through pre-marital counseling with Danielle helped change Kade’s perspective on marriage. He wants people to understand that the engagement season isn’t just about preparing for a wedding and the associated costs—it’s about preparing for the rest of your life.

“It’s not just a wedding day and then you go back to your normal life. It’s your wedding day and then you’re married. Really prepare yourself when you’re engaged for marriage. Don’t just prepare for the wedding; prepare for marriage. Have those difficult conversations during the engagement season.” – Kade

Another thing that helped relieve stress for Kade and Danielle was having those difficult conversations outside of their home. Kade would oftentimes take Danielle out for dinner or a cup of coffee when they had a difficult wedding decision to make.

Who Is Paying for What?

As the Messner’s outlined their wedding budget, they decided how much they would be able to contribute and factored in the amount that each of their parents generously agreed to contribute. It was a priority for Danielle and Kade to be respectful to their parents by not asking them for additional funds beyond what they initially contributed for the wedding.

“I personally didn’t feel like there was ever a time where we needed to ask for more funds. But there would be times where my mom would say, for example, that we really needed to have a coffee cart for the wedding. And they would just pay for that.” – Danielle

There has been a long tradition of the bride’s parents paying for a large portion of a couple’s wedding costs.₅ However, that tradition hasn’t been as prevalent in recent years for several different reasons. Through its annual studies, The Knot has found that couples are getting married later in life, and therefore are more likely to be able to foot the bill for a larger portion of their own wedding costs.₆

In The Knot’s 2023 study, there was a 50/50 split on average between the couple and their parents/family with paying for the wedding. But, of course, every wedding is different and so is the decision of who will pay for it.

“I think the communication thing is very important. I’ve had two daughters get married now. The easiest thing is to hit it head on right away with all three parties. If I could redo it again—I have one more shot with one more daughter—I’d like to have a meeting early on with what the expectations are from everybody, whether it’s the wedding, rehearsal, or anything between that. Who is doing what and why?” – Ken

Where Will You Have the Wedding?

One of the first decisions that Danielle and Kade had to make together was where they wanted to get married. After seeing Maddie get married in Florida, a destination wedding was very appealing to them. However, having a destination wedding can have a significant impact on your overall wedding costs.

The Knot’s 2023 study found that the average wedding in 2023 cost $35,000, but then broke it down to average costs for hometown, domestic destination, and international destination weddings.₇ The average costs for international and domestic destination weddings in 2023 were $42,000 and $43,300, respectively, while the average cost of a hometown wedding was $33,300.

Danielle and Kade wanted to have a destination wedding, but also didn’t want that to prevent their friends and family in the Detroit area from attending. So, they decided to have what they called “a mini destination wedding” in Grand Rapids.

“We still got the same component of a destination wedding, but not everybody had to fly to get there. A lot of our family members and friends could just drive across the state and they all loved it.” – Danielle

The Vendors

Once a location has been determined, what do you and your partner want in a venue? Some couples have potential venues in mind prior to getting engaged. The average cost for a wedding venue in 2023 according to The Knot was $12,800. It tends to be the most substantial wedding cost. Below is a breakdown of the average cost by vendor from The Knot’s 2023 study.₈

Reception venue: $12,800
Wedding photographer: $2,900
Wedding/event planner: $2,100
Live band: $4,300
DJ: $1,700
Florist: $2,800
Videographer: $2,300
Wedding dress: $2,000
Cake: $540
Catering: (price per person): $85
Transportation: $1,100
Favors: $450
Rehearsal dinner: $2,700
Engagement ring: $5,500
Invitations: $530
Hairstylist: (price for one to-be-wed): $150
Makeup artist: (price for one to-be-wed): $140
Officiant: $250
Alcohol: $2,800
Additional jewelry: $360
Ceremony ensemble: $900
Additional, non-musical entertainment: $1,200
Event rentals: $2,000
Lighting and decor: $1,900

Again, every wedding is obviously unique. For example, Kade and Danielle got a discount on their wedding venue because it was brand new and wasn’t even completed when they signed the contract. Some of the vendors on The Knot’s list may be applicable to you while others aren’t. There also may be vendors that you’re considering that aren’t listed.

“Once we had the venue booked and the weekend picked out, a lot of the stress of the timing and selecting the vendors was relieved. Getting the perfect date, time, and location is going to be the crux and foundation that the day is built on.” – Kade

The Power of Negotiating

One vendor that was very important to Danielle was a videographer. However, the videographer she wanted had an asking price that was way higher than what she and Kade budgeted for. The videographer’s wife is a photographer, so they operate as a husband-and-wife videographer/photographer duo. They told Danielle and Kade that it would cost $X amount for them to come with a travel fee, and they needed their flights and hotel to be covered.

The Messner’s thought about it for months. Rather than agreeing to pay the rate that the videographer/photographer duo proposed or deciding to go with a different videographer, Kade decided to go into negotiation mode. One, Kade and Danielle didn’t need them to take engagement photos, which was part of their package. Kade also kept in mind that the prices of hotels and flights also vary. So, Kade decided to try and respectfully propose a fixed cost to the videographer and photographer to cover the day-of videography/photography, travel, and lodging. Much to Kade and Danielle’s surprise, they agreed to Kade’s counteroffer.

“The venue is different because the venues get booked quickly, but there are a ton of vendors out there and they want your business. You should try to negotiate if you can. A lot of vendors will be a lot more flexible than you think.” – Kade

How Many Guests Will You Invite?

Another important wedding cost variable is how many guests you decide to invite. The size of your guest list can impact several costs, such as catering, the bar package, and invitations. Here are the average wedding costs from The Knot’s 2023 study based on number of guests.₉

1-50 guests: $16,700
50-100 guests: $28,300
150 guests: $45,600
200 guests: $60,800

The Messner’s invited 246 guests to their wedding, but knew there was a good chance that many of Danielle’s friends from college wouldn’t come since she went to college outside of Michigan. Danielle and Kade also have several friends in Texas and Florida, so they didn’t expect all of them to come. They ended up having 180 guests, which was right around what they expected.

Finalizing the Guest List

Deciding on a guest list can potentially be one of the hardest parts of the wedding planning process. Should you invite that distant cousin who you aren’t that close to? What about a family friend who you haven’t talked to in years, but your parents are very close to. If your parents are paying for a large portion of the wedding costs, how much of a say will they get when it comes to the guest list?

This was another situation where getting married shortly after Danielle’s sister and Kade’s sister was helpful. They invited many of the same Messner family friends to her wedding as Kade’s sister did. Kade also knew that his sister had a capacity limit of 199. Capacity wasn’t as big of an issue with Danielle and Kade’s venue, so that provided them some peace of mind if nearly all the 246 guests they RSVP’d yes.

One other rule of thumb that they used was only offering plus ones to people who had been in a relationship for at least a year. While Danielle and Kade certainly didn’t wish for certain not to be able to come, less people coming equates to a lower overall wedding cost.

“We definitely didn’t pull any punches when it came to inviting people. If we loved someone and really wanted them to be a part of our day, it wasn’t like we were pressed on venue limitation or capacity, especially with it being a mini destination.” – Kade

Taking Inflation into Account

Kade was very thankful for all the hard work that Danielle put in with planning the wedding, especially during the early to middle months of their engagement while he was studying for his CFP® professional certification. One thing Kade has become experienced with as a financial advisor is stress testing financial plans against potential forms of risk such as inflation.

Inflation might not have been top of mind for many couples who got married five years or so ago, but wedding costs have certainly shown inflation’s impact the past couple of years. Again, the average cost for a wedding ceremony and reception was $35,000 in 2023 according to The Knot. The Knot did the same survey in 2022, and the average cost was $30,000.₁₀

Creating a Spending Plan

Make sure to consider inflation as you’re preparing your wedding budget and overall financial plan. Having a budget (or as we oftentimes like to call it, a spending plan) is critical throughout your working years and in retirement. Kids could come into the picture shortly after getting married. Before you know it, you may be helping to pay for some of their wedding costs. Just ask Ken.

“I told all my children that I would help pay for some of it, but I didn’t want them to think that there was an endless checkbook. I wanted them to have the opportunity to pay for some of those things that they wanted as well. That’s my biggest advice. Some parents want to pay for it all. Even if you can afford it, I think it’s a good lesson to learn for your kids.” – Ken

Danielle and Kade can’t thank each of their parents enough for their financial support and financial wisdom that they’ve bestowed upon them. It affirmed to them the importance of financial education, which they are very passionate about sharing with clients and prospective clients alike.

Those Frickin’ Frictional Wedding Costs

For Kade and Danielle, it wasn’t inflation that took them by surprise. It was what Kade described as “frictional costs.” Some of the frictional costs that they didn’t initially budget for included sales tax and service charges, the cost of printing poster boards and flyers, and getting picture frames. Frictional costs were the main factor that put Danielle and Kade about 15% to 20% over their expected budget.

“There are a lot of frictional costs to weddings that you just don’t plan for. Frictional costs, oh my goodness. Even like printing wedding invitations, getting the postage and envelopes, and getting the card stock that’s more expensive—it all adds up.” – Kade

Mitigating Those Frictional Wedding Costs

As the projected frictional costs mounted, Danielle and Kade did their best to mitigate them. For example, there are companies that you can pay to print wedding invitations. Instead, Danielle printed them herself.

“It’s still expensive, but that’s where we cut costs a little bit. We did more of that manual stuff.” – Danielle

Danielle strongly recommends having an emergency fund for those frictional, unexpected wedding costs. Planning for the unexpected is a critical component of wealth management.

Decision Fatigue and Extra Wedding Costs

Also, keep in mind that payments for some of the more substantial wedding costs aren’t due until shortly before the wedding. That’s also the time when decision fatigue can start to set in, which can potentially lead to extra spending.

“You begin to start paying a premium just for the convenience of things. We did that for a few different wedding costs as well. When you’re getting to the end, it’s just like ‘let’s get through this.’ It would be better to pay someone to do it for us rather than making one more decision to make sure the day goes as planned.” – Kade

Wedding Gifts

Throughout your engagement and even after your wedding in some cases, you might receive gifts from friends and family—either via your registry or cash/check. Getting cash gifts can help offset wedding costs, but Kade and Danielle decided to take a long-term approach instead.

“We viewed it as money that we would sow into our marriage as a blessing from them to set us up for the future, whether that’s a down payment on a house, building up our savings accounts so we can do the things we need to do in our lives, or do home renovations when they come up.” – Kade

Will You Go on a Honeymoon?

That long-term approach is important to consider when thinking about a honeymoon as well. Many newlyweds hop on a plane a day or two after getting married and leave for their honeymoon. If that can fit within your wedding budget, great. If not, consider taking a bigger vacation in the future when you have more savings to do so and/or making tradeoffs by eliminating vendors.

“You don’t want to be in debt to start off your first year of marriage and then have that financial stress on yourselves. Stick to your budget and live within your means. You may have to compromise in certain areas and then make up for it later in life—five years later, 10 years later in your marriage—so you’re not coming back from your honeymoon and you’re in $20,000 of debt. I don’t think that’s great.” – Danielle

Danielle’s dream honeymoon was to go to the Maldives and stay in one of the bungalows over the water. However, she projected that would be around $20,000, which wasn’t within their current budget. Danielle and Kade knew it was in their best interest long-term to take advantage of Kade’s parents’ generous gesture of giving them points to use for a stay in Cabo San Lucas to significantly reduce one of their main wedding costs.

“I think society and social media really push toward going broke after your wedding or just replenishing what you spent from the wedding. Kade and I really didn’t have that mindset.” – Danielle

Don’t Go Broke … Build a Wedding Budget and a Forward-Looking Financial Plan

We hope that the wedding planning and wedding cost considerations that Danielle, Kade, and Ken have shared can be helpful to you or someone you know. Planning for a wedding is one of many examples of why it’s important to have a financial plan that’s tailored to your goals. Your wedding and your children’s weddings are moments that you’ll likely never forget, but they also have substantial costs associated with them. Let’s plan for them!

If you have any questions about planning for wedding costs or making other big purchases, start a conversation with our team below. We’re ready to help you build a forward-looking financial plan that’s designed around your needs, wants, and wishes.

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Resources Mentioned in This Article

Other Sources

[1, 3] https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-data-insights/real-weddings-study

[2] https://www.theknot.com/content/how-much-to-spend-on-engagement-ring

[4] https://www.bankrate.com/credit-cards/news/financial-infidelity-survey/

[5] https://www.brides.com/story/what-your-family-pays-for-wedding-planning

[6] https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-budget-who-pays-for-what

[7,8, 9] https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost

[10] https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-data-insights/weddings-in-2022

Investment advisory services offered through Modern Wealth Management, Inc., a Registered Investment Adviser.

The views expressed represent the opinion of Modern Wealth Management a Registered Investment Advisor. Information provided is for illustrative purposes only and does not constitute investment, tax, or legal advice. Modern Wealth Management does not accept any liability for the use of the information discussed. Consult with a qualified financial, legal, or tax professional prior to taking any action.